A space station sits on the surface of a barren, red, rocky planet. The mission of its staff? To research Earth - aided and abetted by two dinosaurs and a Little Green Man...
This is the concluding part of the story of a largely forgotten ambitious Saturday morning children's TV show called Parallel 9. In a project that initially just involved me writing down what I remembered and uploading my old VHS tapes onto YouTube, I've ended up speaking to cast, crew and even someone who appeared as a child on the first programme. You can read all about the highs and lows of series 1 and series 2 elsewhere on my site, but this final installment of my "not so brief history" covers a series that in one last throw of the dice brought a new creative and visual approach to the format. Did the latest changes work? Once again I've spoken to key members of the on and off-screen team to tell the story of Parallel 9's final summer on air!
Series 3 (1994)
Whilst not on the same level as the series 2 "year zero" relaunch there were again major changes to the programme as it returned, with a new creative team arriving importing many ideas from "the other side". We're talking ITV here. Series 3 co-writer Peter Cocks picks up the story, beginning with his background in Saturday morning TV.
"I had only appeared briefly on Motormouth, but Producer Vanessa Hill had an unerring skill at talent spotting - Sandi Toksvig, Andrea Arnold, Gaby Roslin, Stephen Mulhern, Holly Willoughby - and a great knack of combining live drama within a magazine format as she had on No. 73. I was pulled in with my then creative partner Stephen Taylor Woodrow by associate producer Ged Allen to create characters and sketches for What's Up Doc as a second layer of comedy to the presenters and Henson puppets. However, when we worked on the format and character lineup, we threw away the rule book so that show had no discernible logic: a world in which Earthworms and Wolves could coexist alongside Pat Sharp and Frank Sidebottom would be friends with a man made from cardboard boxes. Our input set an anarchic tone along with home made scratch-built characters such as Billy Box and Pasty the Worm and the characters we played - Simon Perry, Colin and Gaston the Frog."
Stephen Taylor Woodrow as Simon Perry on What's Up Doc
Actor Laurence R Harvey: "However, the powers that be at Scottish Television decided to scale back the production of the show. In 1994, producer Vanessa Hill got the job of working on the 3rd season of Parallel 9, bringing along Peter and a few other members of the production team." Peter Cocks confirms there was a desire to import some of the What's Up Doc approach. "Vanessa was looking for some of this when she took over. We hoped to inject Parallel 9 with some of this bizarre world view. It was after all, a planet set somewhere high above a car park in Pinewood, accessed by a shabby caravan."
Peter Cocks as Colin on What's Up Doc
Peter is scathing about the original incarnation of Parallel 9, which was transmitting on BBC1 in 1992 during pre-production for What's Up Doc. "In those days there were really only two channels to watch on Saturday morning, so we were always very competitive with what the other side had to offer...while it did not directly compete, being on during the summer, we were aware of Parallel 9 and to be frank, from my point of view, it was a deeply flawed format with overblown production values and performances. As a writer, I have always found 'high concept' ideas crippling, e.g. in 'teleporting' a guest from Earth, you are then hobbled by explaining 'Earth things' to Planet Zarb - "What is this toast of which you speak? Is it scorched bread spread with animal fat?"...which the begs the question "What is this thing, bread? Is it a sponge made from ground up grains and a living culture?" Where does it end? So, when I was offered the show, my view was to throw away the rule book which, I felt, was holding up the format from being spontaneous - it was live after all - or funny."
There was another change in the visual language of the programme, with Parallel 9 now depicted as an enviroment more akin to Mars instead of the eclectic collection of landscapes featured previously. Actor Richard Waites recalls this change: "It was a brand new set - designed by Anthony Howell I think, who’s a very talented chap - which would have been unfamiliar not just to the newcomers, but the people who worked on previous series." The research centre itself was now depicted as inside a more conventional-looking space station and this was seen in ambitious (if not wholly convincing) model work used in short stings that bookended fictional sequences. This was the result of the centre being relocated, as referenced by Dr Kovan during a short tour:
"If you look into the distance you can see the previously purpose-built facility which we purposely abandoned for the purpose of taking up occupation in this purpose-built facility"
The interior of the new research centre took the form of a series of interconnected rooms, with the main action taking place in an "office" area with a desk for Mercator and a view overlooking the surface of the planet.
The Tope was the planet's crystalline computer and technically the only surviving "character" from series 1. Previously the centrepiece of the set surrounded by a pool, the Tope now sat rather less impressivey in the "porch" of the research centre by the entrance and was where visitors to the planet would appear after being "particulated" from the Earthbase.
One positive change was the return of a bespoke area for bands and singers to perform in, this time taking the form of a "hold" area. Doors to the side of these main areas of set led to small ancilliary rooms which items would be presented from, including a boiler room, quarters for Brian & Derek and a cafe run by Brian (Cup o' tea - geddit?).
Finally a series of futuristic-looking corridors attempted to depict a sense of scale when moving between the different parts of the research centre. The whole set was painted in a lurid bright yellow colour as noted by Mercator:
"I always think this is a terribly interesting colour isn't it. I think give it another 50 years, it might come back into fashion"
It's hard to stress quite how much of a departure this was from the previous designs for the planet. It abandoned the eccentric, quirky alien style of the first two series in favour of a quite traditional if perhaps more realistic setup. But look up, and what's that?
Clockwise from top: the Starbridge in series 3, 2 and 1
One of the bridges that had featured in the series since the start as the "Starbridge" was now decorated with blue neon lights and hoisted above the main "office" area. Most camera angles didn't move far back enough to see it though, and it seems to have been mostly used by camera operators to get high shots. The spiral staircase that used to be attached to this was the other piece of set to make it into all three series, this time in the "hold" area.
The "hold" complete with recycled staircase
A new logo was also a part of the re-imaging and this was seen on the short stings that introduced life on Parallel 9, on graphics & end credits, on TV monitors and even as the security stamp all guests were given before being "particulated". The only place you didn't see it was the start of the show, as the opening titles and theme tune remained unchanged from series 2.
The Earthbase caravan survived but was developed further away from the "ramshackle" look of a year earlier, with the interior styled in the same yellow as the planet set and with a full garden area added outside complete with canopy, swing and picket fence. Speaking to me about series 2, presenter Richard Norton stated that he had to be careful not to properly interview of the guests that came through his carvavan as this function was always to be carried out on the planet. This appeared to no longer the case as more interviews, features and games took place in and around the caravan.
There was more continuity amongst the cast. Lucinda Cowden had joined midway through series 2 following original host Richard Norton's sudden departure as changes were requested by the BBC to improve the programme's performance. She returned as the solo Earthbase presenter for series 3 but would gain company later in the run. Lucinda spoke to me about her memories of working on the programme. "It was all shot out at Pinewood Studios and we did a lot of star spotting in the canteen, Julia Roberts and Richard Gere were our top spots!"
Also returning was Brian the Dinosaur (David Claridge, credited by name in Radio Times but still "courtesy of Triassic Mgt Rotherham" on the credits), though his reason for being there remained a mystery as it was stated again his presence was not permitted by Zarbian rules. His baby brother Derek (an uncredited Lesley Claridge) also remained on board. Peter Cocks recalls struggling with this element of the production. "Brian the Dinosaur had his own area which seemed to have little to do with the planet, let alone Rotherham or a 'Cup of Tea'...it didn't have the Roland Rat effect that had been hoped for." In another piece about his time on the programme kindly shared with me for this project, Cocks states: "We surgically removed almost every line from Brian the Dinosaur. Having worked with Sooty, I knew this was for the best, but it didn’t stop Brian protesting, “A line would be nice…?” in every read through".
The commander role was filled by...Mercator! Again - as mused upon by Brian:
"...it's a ridiculous name isn't it...why are they always called Mercator? It's pathetic"
The third Zarbian-with-the-same-name-in-charge was played by Richard Waites, recognisable from another Saturday morning format where editorial featues were mixed with a storyline. Richard told me it was this connection that brought him to the role. "Vanessa Hill became Series Producer, and I was one of the people she asked to audition for Series 3. I had worked with Vanessa on No. 73, and we had always had a very good working relationship." We could however have seen Waites on the programme two years earlier. "I auditioned for the very first series! John Dale who created No. 73 asked if I would do it, but it didn’t work out for various reasons." Richard described to me the differences between Parallel 9 and his two earlier Saturday morning gigs. "I think it was less ‘frantic’ than either of those shows. Motormouth was a slightly different animal, as the segment I featured in (“Spin Off”) was mainly scripted by a great guy called Ian Cross. We were allowed to ad-lib, and Ian welcomed input from the cast, but No. 73 was improvised around a given, or pre-planned structure."
Despite the name being carried over yet again, Mercator 3.0's personality couldn't be more different to his immediate predecessor. Whilst the 1993 model was dreamy, manic and rarely seemed in charge, the new version was most definitely the boss and took pleasure in making his authority clear in virtually every scene. Peter Cocks told me: "We reinvented Mercator as more Butlins Red Coat than Rear Admiral" and recalls "giving Commander Mercator an innuendo and an ‘arch aside’ to camera in every line." I asked Waites if the cast were able to develop their characters. "When you see the character breakdown written down, and after discussions with the producers and wardrobe team, you get an idea of how it should be played (and what character traits would be either interesting, or funny), so yes. All of us had more or less free rein to interpret the characters as we thought."
The secondary role, described as the "engineer" this year, was filled by Flynn played by Kate Longergan. Flynn was also a big contrast to her predecessor Zee with a much more sparky, feisty and argumentative personality. Richard Waites again: "During the audition process I remember being paired with Kate Lonergan, and knew she was good. Good improvisation means you throw the ball back to the person who feeds you a line, and then they pass it (or kick it!) back to you, or whoever happens to be in the scene. Kate was not only a good comedy actress, but knew when the ball should be passed, and when it should go into the back of the net. I’m surprising myself with a football analogy there – I know absolutely nothing about football."
Lonergan was instantly recognisable from another Children's BBC programme, as recalled by Peter Cocks. "Mark had worked with Kate Lonergan on Maid Marian and her Merry Men and she came with her own tomboy enthusiasm as Flynn." Prophetically, she had appeared in character as Marian as a guest on the final episode of Parallel 9 series 2. Laurence Harvey: "Kate was lovely and a real pleasure to be around. She knew Mark already but also enjoyed Pete’s sense of humour". He also recalls yet another Maid Marian connection in series 3 with "one particularly memorable episode featuring former Guy of Gisbourne, Ramsay Gilderdale, as a flamboyant art critic visiting Parallel 9 to judge an art exhibition."
Another new role was "The Little Green Man". Peter Cocks: "The idea was that, as a little green man, he had arrived alone on a planet with no friends – his catchphrase, a plaintive “Will you be my friend?” The production team loved the idea of a little green man soliciting a younger audience – “will you be a friend of The Little Green Man?” Greenie, as he came to be known, was played by Laurence Harvey. "I came from a performance art background and had worked with Stephen [Woodrow Taylor] and Peter [Cocks] on several things since 1989, when I was still at art school. They had developed a variety of characters for What’s Up Doc? and I was occasionally roped into their shenanigans, usually appearing as a Cheesy Ranger, a little boy or a gnome." Cocks: "When a storyline came about that featured a lonely 'Little Green Man' refugee 'looking for friends', Laurence came to mind."
Laurence Harvey appears on What's Up Doc
I asked Laurence if he was familiar with Parallel 9 prior to his casting. "I had seen a few episodes of the first and second series. The first series had some interesting ideas, but hadn’t performed very well in the ratings. The second series felt more like a typical magazine programme but the scripts were funnier, and apparently the ratings were better."
In other changes another member of the What's Up Doc cast, Stephen Taylor Woodrow, became the new voice of the Tope, though this character's input was much reduced compared to previous years and rarely did more than announce arrivals to the planet. This role would be recast midway through the series. Series writers Mark Billingham and Peter Cocks also made numerous on-screen cameos during the programme, all adding up to a larger on-screen cast than the show had previously enjoyed. The Flintstones was the show's cartoon insert for a second year which happily coincided with the release of the live-action film adaptation.
Series 3 cast photocard (source unknown), still using the series 1 design, produced following Paul Hendy joining as co-presenter in June
So let's get into the episode guide, which I've supplemented with memories from the cast and crew. Once again I've mined YouTube for every last second of footage and also contributed the final bits from my own VHS tapes - including, for the first time, the final programme in full.
Prelaunch
Although I've not been able to locate the trailer used to promote this year's series, the traditional "plug the new show" slot did take place on the final episode of Live and Kicking the previous Saturday. Brian the Dinosaur did the honours, popping up behind Emma Forbes and guest Gary Barlow in a brief slot to announce "the weirdos are coming".
Brian gave the catchphrases a good workout to general indifference, not even getting a reaction from Barlow when telling him what a big Take That fan his brother Derek was, before saying "is that it?" as Emma wrapped up and moved onto an interview with Lesley Joseph.
This photo of Lucinda appears to have been taken after the 10/07/93 edition, but it's not the one you're looking at is it?
In the issue published a few days prior to launch Radio Times devoted part of its children's pages to a preview of the first show and a profile of Lucinda Cowden. The preview named the two main new cast members, who took considerably longer to appear in the listings pages.
Richard Waites recalls the run-up to transmission. "The majority of the cast were the same and used to live TV, and although we may have had extra time to rehearse the first show, I don’t remember an off-air pilot. Than again, I don’t remember what I had for breakfast this morning, so my memory is obviously not reliable!"
Show 1 - tx 23/04/94, 0900-1055
The first edition was afforded the honour of being one of RT's Choices for that day albeit with the baffling headline "Parallel 9 returns to earth". Despite the billing implying continuity amongst the cast it is immediately clear there have been changes. Kovan, Brian and Derek have been living it up for 6 months with no commander on Parallel 9, though there's no explanation as to how they remained there following series 2's cliffhanger conclusion (or what happened to Zee and the previous Mercator).
Kovan has a dream where he imagines the new commanders might be Little and Large which features a cameo from the duo themselves, because it is the early nineties. The new Commander Mercator arrives and is disgusted at the state of the research centre, immediately setting the tone for his leadership over the next 22 episodes.
Flynn's arrival depicts her arriving at the research station for her new role as the engineer. After Brian's attempts to send her somewhere else she struggles to get through the door after her bottom expands due to being angry, a curious character trait that was quickly forgotten. Mercator then makes an early HR transgression by showing his disappointment that his new engineer is a woman.
A very subtle appearance in show 1 by Greenie
The Little Green Man (described simply as "Green Man" in the production paperwork) makes only fleeting appearances in show 1 but actor Laurence Harvey also makes a cameo in another sketch as "man in Tope".
"Initially I was approached to do the character of the Tope, a “London taxi driver” type character who would be powering the transportation device by peddling away on a Heath Robinson-esque device under the planet’s surface, but then I was asked to do a bit of creeping and peeping as a Little Green Man. I think my interpretation of the Tope was so bad that it was dropped after the first episode."
Lucinda is also particulated up to Parallel 9 to be addressed as part of the new team, further breaking the rules from the previous series where the Earthbase host was not allowed to visit the planet.
Perhaps sensibly the first show is mostly devoted to introducing the characters rather than attempting a storyline but it is packed with standalone sketches utilising the new cast. Dr Kovan presents what is described as a "series of short lectures on what makes us laugh", which is largely an excuse to show clips from Blackadder. Chat show parody Meet Mercy features a cameo by writer Peter Cocks as birthday boy William Shakespeare, and Cocks appears again with co-writer Mark Billingham in another recurring sketch. "To give ourselves something to do - we created and performed 'The Dingleberries' a pair of alien warlords, a punning take on Star Trek's Klingons. They were deliberately lo-tech, wearing swimming hats and silver foil capes and each week would threaten to invade Parallel 9, but always found a camp, lame excuse not to, such as there being no-one to feed the cat."
Eternal became the first act to appear in the relaunched live music slot, and Cinemasaurus '94 saw Brian and Derek look at new film and video release. Meanwhile that old dependable the "slightly educational sport feature" returned with a segment seemingly encouraging viewers to try out pole vaulting in the pouring rain (with some very wide camera shots outside the caravan even capturing some of Pinewood Studios in the background).
Show 2 - tx 30/04/94, 0900-1055
Simone Robertson (Phoebe from Neighbours) is Mercator's guest today and Jeremy Jackson from Baywatch performs his new single I Need You. There's cartoon action from The Flintstones and intergalactic rivalry in Tom and Jerry while Dr Kovan continues his guide to comedy. Plus the Dingleberries, music and competitions. With Lucinda Cowden.
Director Claire Winyard
LETTERS: send any correspondence for Mercator, Kovan, Brian and Derek to P9 Earthbase, BBCtv. PO Box 9000 London W12 8ZZ
Show 4 - tx 14/05/94, 0900-1055
With Alice Cooper, EYC performing their new song Number One and the result of the Mighty Max competition, plus cartoon action from The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry.
I mentioned the titles from series 2 were carried over to this run, and here they are with some background on their creation on the superb Ravensbourne University BBC Motion Graphics Archive. The 1993 label is technically correct for the titles though the show opening with a model shot and Lucinda presenting alone points to this clip being from the first nine shows of series 3, so let's pop it here against a show I otherwise have nothing to say about.
Show 5 - tx 21/05/94, 0900-1037
Today: video guests East 17 with Around the World; Lucinda Cowden meets Daniella Westbrook (formerly Sam Butcher in EastEnders); Mercator licks his lips at the prospect of "the history of the pie"; Jurassic janitor Brian reads your cosmic correspondence on Planet Post (remember to include your telephone number if you want him to call you on air). Plus the Dingleberries, the Little Green Man, The Flintstones, Tom and Jerry and Pinball.
Just five weeks in and the Little Green Man gets a mention in the Radio Times billing. Laurence Harvey recalls how his character took off. "Initially, I was just working one or two days a week on the show, but as LGM became more popular, and was integrated into the main cast I ended up working 4 or 5 days a week." Writer Peter Cocks: "The character’s slots caught on quickly and the Little Green Man became a pivotal element of the show, much to the annoyance of the some of the more seasoned actors on board. Laurence got his own dressing room in a better part of the building and began to refer to himself in the third person as The ‘LGM’. We had created a monster."
With a voiceover tagged on the end by Laurence, “Will you be my friend?” we had a ready made tear-jerker."
Show 6 - tx 28/05/94, 0900-1055
There's pandemonium in today's edition when John Bozac informs the research station's inhabitants about an expected cosmic collision - could it be the work of those dastardly Dingleberries? But the Chinese State Circus and Sarah Vandenbergh (Lauren in Neighbours) plan to visit anyway. Plus video vibes from Dannii Minogue, cartoons and Pinball.
Show 7 - tx 04/06/94, 0900-1052
There's glamour in today's edition with a visit from Miss World. There's also Let Loose, Tim Vincent from Blue Peter and enthusiast Adam Harper with his Sinclair C5 (what will the aliens make of this strange form of transport?). Plus cartoon fun with The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry and a chance to win more prizes with Pinball.
A Roach production for BBCtv
Letters: write to the aliens at Planet Post, P9 Earthbase BBCtv PO Box 9000 London W12 8ZZ
Show 8 - tx 11/06/94, 0900-1035
In today's edition the aliens practise their shots for National Tennis Day and parading on court will be
Natalie Imbruglia (Beth in Neighbours). Plus cartoon fun with The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry and a chance to win more prizes with Pinball.
Director Claire Winyard
When speaking to me about this series Lucinda Cowden remembered she "had lots of fun with Ant and Dec back when they were PJ and Duncan!" The boys manage to break the returning P9 Pinball game on their first go before essentially buggering off to Tyne Tees for the summer, hanging around the Gimme 5 studio and honing their presenting skills. With that in mind it's worth comparing their slightly ropey appearance here with what must have been their first prime time gig hosting Top of the Pops eleven months later, by which time they were clearly stars in the making.
It's also worth mentioning that the Pinball game was rendered using the Electronic Arts Sega Mega Drive game Virtual Pinball, which as Mr Babbage's Lockup points out was fairly pioneering by being controlled by viewers' own touch-tone keypads (as opposed to the "shout an instruction which we will then execute ourselves" approach used in various formats on Saturday and holiday mornings during the period). This was demonstrated on-screen in the first show with Ant actually controlling the game using a landline phone.
It is noticeable how fast the pace is compared with the previous series, which itself stepped things up from the often glacial series 1. In comparison with the launch episode of series 2, which whilst fast often felt a bit aimless and meandering, the show is absolutely packed with features, sketches, games, music and cartoons. The moody model work and music, claustrophic sets and diametrically opposed characters also create more than a passing resemblance with Red Dwarf, then on continual repeat on BBC2.
Peter Cocks recalls challenges with the format: "I had worked before with Richard Waites who is always a joy, but by the third series, cast and crew were coming from so many different directions and disciplines that the job was to get everyone pulling in the same direction: Vanessa [Hill] is a great team builder and it was not an unhappy production, but I think we all still struggled with the format, it became quite compartmentalised."
The jury was out. I'd keep an eye on the green guy though...
Show 2 - tx 30/04/94, 0900-1055
Simone Robertson (Phoebe from Neighbours) is Mercator's guest today and Jeremy Jackson from Baywatch performs his new single I Need You. There's cartoon action from The Flintstones and intergalactic rivalry in Tom and Jerry while Dr Kovan continues his guide to comedy. Plus the Dingleberries, music and competitions. With Lucinda Cowden.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Vanessa Hill
A Roach production for BBCtv
A Roach production for BBCtv
On ITV this morning What's Up Doc ended another monster run that had actually commenced whilst Parallel 9 series 2 was on air, as captured here in this on-and-off air compilation, and was produced by P9's previous and next producers...
Show 3 - tx 07/05/94, 0900-1100
In today's edition, Worlds Apart perform their new song Beggin' to Be Written and Bill Oddie discusses the plight of the penguin. There's cartoon action from The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry, more from the Dingleberries, P9 pinball and Zarbian Hotchipig.
In today's edition, Worlds Apart perform their new song Beggin' to Be Written and Bill Oddie discusses the plight of the penguin. There's cartoon action from The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry, more from the Dingleberries, P9 pinball and Zarbian Hotchipig.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Vanessa Hill
A Roach production for BBCtv
A Roach production for BBCtv
LETTERS: for the aliens at Planet Post to P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, PO Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ
Notice that the correspondence line in the billing has this series lost the reference to "Earth knowledge" - a hangover from the first series - but has this week gained "Planet Post" as introduced in show 1. This is also the sole billing to mention Zarbian Hotchipig - answers on a postcard if you've any idea what that was.
Also today over on the other side, Gimme 5 returned for its third and final summer providing Parallel 9's more conventional opposition.
Show 4 - tx 14/05/94, 0900-1055
With Alice Cooper, EYC performing their new song Number One and the result of the Mighty Max competition, plus cartoon action from The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Vanessa Hill
A Roach production for BBCtv
A Roach production for BBCtv
I mentioned the titles from series 2 were carried over to this run, and here they are with some background on their creation on the superb Ravensbourne University BBC Motion Graphics Archive. The 1993 label is technically correct for the titles though the show opening with a model shot and Lucinda presenting alone points to this clip being from the first nine shows of series 3, so let's pop it here against a show I otherwise have nothing to say about.
Show 5 - tx 21/05/94, 0900-1037
Today: video guests East 17 with Around the World; Lucinda Cowden meets Daniella Westbrook (formerly Sam Butcher in EastEnders); Mercator licks his lips at the prospect of "the history of the pie"; Jurassic janitor Brian reads your cosmic correspondence on Planet Post (remember to include your telephone number if you want him to call you on air). Plus the Dingleberries, the Little Green Man, The Flintstones, Tom and Jerry and Pinball.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Vanessa Hill
A Roach production for BBCtv
A Roach production for BBCtv
LETTERS: wnte to the aliens at Planet Post. P9 Earthbase. BBCtv. PO Box 9000. London W12 8ZZ
As part of the promotion for show 5, Brian popped into the Children's BBC broom cupboard after Newsround on Tuesday 17th May as immortalised in this crinkly half-second before an Activ8 upload. Just don't say I don't research this stuff properly.
Greenie's area of the planet set
"The LGM" title sequence
"It was decided that he needed his own ‘song’ or theme tune. I called my friend Frank Sidebottom/Chris Sievey: “Chris, can you do a little ditty for the little green man?” “What’s the fee?” “About four pints of beer…and you get the PRS if it goes". Pause. “…and a packet of fags?” “Done”. A few days later a cassette tape turned up with the familiar tones of Frank Sidebottom’s Bontempi Organ and nasal vocal:
“He’s a Little Green Man With no Little Green Friends
In his Little Green House Round the Little Green Bend
With no Little Green Mum Or no Little Green Dad
He cries Little Green Tears Cos he’s ever so sad…
He’s just a Little Green Man With no Little Green Friends”
Show 6 - tx 28/05/94, 0900-1055
There's pandemonium in today's edition when John Bozac informs the research station's inhabitants about an expected cosmic collision - could it be the work of those dastardly Dingleberries? But the Chinese State Circus and Sarah Vandenbergh (Lauren in Neighbours) plan to visit anyway. Plus video vibes from Dannii Minogue, cartoons and Pinball.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Vanessa Hill
A Roach production for BBCtv
A Roach production for BBCtv
LETTERS: wnte to the aliens at Planet Post. P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, PO Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ
Peter Cocks outline how a typical edition of the show would come together. "As I remember we would have a production meeting on Monday or Tuesday where researchers would come up with items they had in mind, e.g. "We're going to land an RAF jump-jet live in the car park during the show (genius Producer Steve Kidgell made this actually happen). Mark and I would then offer some ideas for the narrative, which we would then go away and spin into ten linking scenes of drama that would be the storyline that the drama would hang on that week, sitting around any factual content or interview with a kid from EastEnders."
A series 3 PasC, still referring to the Earthbase presenter as "he"
Laurence Harvey recalls the next steps. "We would do rehearsals Wednesday and Thursday and oftentimes Pete or Mark would alter lines to make things funnier, or to change the pace/tone of the scene, or if they liked some ad lib someone had done then that would be incorporated. We would pre-record some scenes ‘as live’ (i.e. keeping in any minor gaffes) on Thursday or Friday, especially if they involved extras, rapid costume or make-up changes or special effects."
Richard Waites recalls the improvisation involved: "They [Peter and Mark] would have a story arc they wanted us to follow - so the show had a beginning, a middle, and an end - but it was largely improvised, which is why I loved it so much. You would receive the scenes we were involved in as “Mercator and Dr Kovan discuss art [3 minutes]”. So we knew how long the scene had to last, and we’d work around that. Occasionally it falls over; a big star might not have time to get to a rehearsal, and just turns up on the day, so you have to tell them what the scene is about, and what they should say, during a cartoon. But they might not want to say what you want them to say because they have a film, or a record to plug and that’s when live TV gets interesting!"
Show 7 - tx 04/06/94, 0900-1052
There's glamour in today's edition with a visit from Miss World. There's also Let Loose, Tim Vincent from Blue Peter and enthusiast Adam Harper with his Sinclair C5 (what will the aliens make of this strange form of transport?). Plus cartoon fun with The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry and a chance to win more prizes with Pinball.
A Roach production for BBCtv
Letters: write to the aliens at Planet Post, P9 Earthbase BBCtv PO Box 9000 London W12 8ZZ
We start with the traditional 8.30ish promo beamed into the Broom Cupboard, now during its last few weeks in use. Judging by the monitor behind the wonderful Philippa the promo seems to be genuinely live unlike some of those the previous year, though the content makes little sense.
And here's the first ten minutes of show 7, starting with a rather dark and unsettling pretitles cinematic homage featuring kiddies' favourite The Little Green Man foaming at the mouth and collapsing to the ground. Look very carefully during this sequence for a brief glimpse of the top of the cyclorama which forms the "sky" of the planet, which in comparison to those used during the first two series doesn't seem to be very high at all.
This upload is the only place I've found the second theme recorded in stereo, so stick some headphones on to give your ears a workout as composer Paul Joyce really went for it. Here we get to see guests Let Loose, then on the brink of a monster summer hit with Crazy For You, and the morning menu which has some curiously precise times on it.
Then it's straight into the plot up on the planet and it turns out Greenie actually has rabies, which we are told is sweeping the planet during a scene with writer Peter Cocks playing a newspaper vendor (and having had four years' practice shouting "Rabies" Kate Longergan is well-placed for this storyline). In a nice collision with another Children's BBC space series, Mona and Dogsbody from Spacevets visit the research centre and discover our poorly green friend. I am a big fan of the way the obligatory plug to justify their presence is got out of the way as the visitors are stood at the door to the space station:
Mercator: "Oh Spacevets, 9.25 of a Sunday morning if I'm not mistaken?"
Mona: "Yes, new series in September!"
The last thing we see before whoeever was recording the Round The Twist repeat beforehand stops the VCR is Lucinda pushing viewers to take part in the latest exciting interactive competiton...a wordsearch!
Show 8 - tx 11/06/94, 0900-1035
In today's edition the aliens practise their shots for National Tennis Day and parading on court will be
Natalie Imbruglia (Beth in Neighbours). Plus cartoon fun with The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry and a chance to win more prizes with Pinball.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Vanessa Hill
A Roach production for BBCtv
I mentioned to Laurence Havey how well the cast gelled together. "As you say, the cast did have a good rapport on screen, but also off. The cast and writers would hang out together often joined by [directors] Bob Collins or Claire Winyard, go for lunch together, etc. David and Lesley [Claridge] were slightly different in that they were their own team, but also with two young children in tow too they obviously didn’t have much time to socialise with the rest of us, but as both they and I lived in Putney at the time, we got on and David is a really interesting character."
A Roach production for BBCtv
I mentioned to Laurence Havey how well the cast gelled together. "As you say, the cast did have a good rapport on screen, but also off. The cast and writers would hang out together often joined by [directors] Bob Collins or Claire Winyard, go for lunch together, etc. David and Lesley [Claridge] were slightly different in that they were their own team, but also with two young children in tow too they obviously didn’t have much time to socialise with the rest of us, but as both they and I lived in Putney at the time, we got on and David is a really interesting character."
Show 9 - tx 18/06/94, 0900-1052
Darren Day swaps his technicolour dreamcoat for a space suit to join the crew this morning. Mr Motivator drops in to work out while actor Sean Maguire wonders why Mercator has swapped his uniform for a romper suit leaving Brian to become Dino Dictator. Plus competitions, cartoon fun with Tom and Jerry and Swot Cats and another game of pinball with Lucinda Cowden in the caravan.
Director Claire Winyard
Darren Day swaps his technicolour dreamcoat for a space suit to join the crew this morning. Mr Motivator drops in to work out while actor Sean Maguire wonders why Mercator has swapped his uniform for a romper suit leaving Brian to become Dino Dictator. Plus competitions, cartoon fun with Tom and Jerry and Swot Cats and another game of pinball with Lucinda Cowden in the caravan.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Vanessa Hill
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at Planet Post, P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, PO Box 9000. London W12 8ZZ
LETTERS: write to the aliens at Planet Post, P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, PO Box 9000. London W12 8ZZ
Lucinda seemingly decided to particulate up to the planet especially for this week's Friday afternoon promo. There's no footage from the show itself which marked the point immediately prior to the traditional Parallel 9 mid-series upheaval. As such this was the last show to be produced by Vanessa Hill, and also to feature Stephen Taylor-Woodrow as the voice of the Tope.
Show 10 - tx 25/06/94, 0900-1055
The sky is definitely not the limit this week when ex-astronaut Joe Allen visits the research station. Also on the show are comedian Frank Sidebottom , ace motorcyclist Eddie Kidd and actress and singer Sophie Lawrence. Meanwhile, the diabolical Dingleberries advance their plans towards world domination.
Director Claire Winyard
The sky is definitely not the limit this week when ex-astronaut Joe Allen visits the research station. Also on the show are comedian Frank Sidebottom , ace motorcyclist Eddie Kidd and actress and singer Sophie Lawrence. Meanwhile, the diabolical Dingleberries advance their plans towards world domination.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Vanessa Hill
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at Planet Post, P9 Earthbase. BBCtv. PO Box 9000, London W 12 8ZZ
In contrast to the billing this week Maddy Darrall took over in the producer's chair from Vanessa Hill. Darrall had stepped in to produce What's Up Doc following the departure of Hill and Ged Allen, so there was a degree of history repeating itself here. Director Claire Winyard also departed the following month to be replaced by Bob Collins, yet another transfer from What's Up Doc, however unlike the year earlier these changes were not made for editorial reasons as Richard Waites recalls. "I know Vanessa left for maternity leave and I have a strong feeling Claire left for the same reason."
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at Planet Post, P9 Earthbase. BBCtv. PO Box 9000, London W 12 8ZZ
In contrast to the billing this week Maddy Darrall took over in the producer's chair from Vanessa Hill. Darrall had stepped in to produce What's Up Doc following the departure of Hill and Ged Allen, so there was a degree of history repeating itself here. Director Claire Winyard also departed the following month to be replaced by Bob Collins, yet another transfer from What's Up Doc, however unlike the year earlier these changes were not made for editorial reasons as Richard Waites recalls. "I know Vanessa left for maternity leave and I have a strong feeling Claire left for the same reason."
Paul Hendy joins the cast. Juding by Paul and Lucinda's outfits, this was taken following show 12 on 9th July
Darrall hit the ground running by making one change Richard Norton told me was being considered the previous year before his resignation: a two presenter format. Production paperwork bills Paul Hendy as "guest co-presenter" this week before losing the "guest" the week after. It isn't a change Lucinda Cowden remembers fondly. "The producers changed for the second series and we had new aliens and I got a co-host Paul Hendy. We didn't really gel on-screen." Peter Cocks saw the change more positively. "I worked quite closely with Paul Hendy on his links and he injected a great deal of new energy into the Earthbound presentation." This week also saw Mark Heap - one half of early nineties kids TV regulars The Two Marks - become the third voice of the Tope.
Show 11 - tx 02/07/94, 0900-1055
Imagine a space fashion show, with a catwalk full of alien models - designer Michael Duffy is on hand with silver fashion tips for the crew. If that doesn't stretch the imagination, try a competition to win a limo trip to the American Adventure theme park. Other guests this week include some of the cast from the hit musical Annie. Looking after visitors to Earthbase is Lucinda Cowden, while Zarbian spacebase inhabitants are Mercator (Richard Waites), Flynn (Kate Lonergan) and Dr Kovan (Karl Collins), plus Brian the dinosaur.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Vanessa Hill
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, PO Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ
Halfway through the run and the new cast finally get a credit in the billing, though it would be a rare ocurrence with Radio Times at this point sporting an unpopular short-lived design which squashed daytime listings into a single page to accomodate an advert on the other side of the spread. Curiously, new co-presenter Paul Hendy never received a credit in the listings part of the magazine. "Planet Post" has also now been removed from the address following the return of Fans of Brian as the show's letters slot - another change presumably made by the new producer, who Radio Times still hasn't named.
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, PO Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ
Halfway through the run and the new cast finally get a credit in the billing, though it would be a rare ocurrence with Radio Times at this point sporting an unpopular short-lived design which squashed daytime listings into a single page to accomodate an advert on the other side of the spread. Curiously, new co-presenter Paul Hendy never received a credit in the listings part of the magazine. "Planet Post" has also now been removed from the address following the return of Fans of Brian as the show's letters slot - another change presumably made by the new producer, who Radio Times still hasn't named.
Show 12 - tx 09/07/94, 0900-1052
Guests include top athletes Roger Black and Kriss Akabusi. Plus a competition to win a trip to the American Adventure theme park, and the first part of an interview with Take That.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Maddy Darrall
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, PC Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, PC Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ
I've previously mentioned how Take That never actually appeared live on Parallel 9 despite being ubiquitous over the three years it was on air. They did however contribute numerous recorded segements, and here is the first part of an interview for this series which is also the earliest footage we have of Paul Hendy on the show.
Show 13 - tx 16/07/94, 0900-1055
Today's guests joining presenter Lucinda Cowden on the Zarbian spacebase include Erasure performing their new song Run to the Sun, Kimberley Davies (Annalise in Neighbours), Matt Mansfield flexing his Big Breakfast biceps, the Cadet Royal Navy Field Gunners, and baby monkey Ebony. There's also the second part of the Take That interview and the announcement of the winner of the Take That competition.
Today's guests joining presenter Lucinda Cowden on the Zarbian spacebase include Erasure performing their new song Run to the Sun, Kimberley Davies (Annalise in Neighbours), Matt Mansfield flexing his Big Breakfast biceps, the Cadet Royal Navy Field Gunners, and baby monkey Ebony. There's also the second part of the Take That interview and the announcement of the winner of the Take That competition.
Director Claire Winyard
Producer Maddy Darrall
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase. BBCtv. PO Box 9000. London W12 8ZZ
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase. BBCtv. PO Box 9000. London W12 8ZZ
Here's the second part of that location interview from the following week, no doubt thrilling for archivists of Take That but less so for those of little-remembered space-based Saturday morning television programmes.
INTERMISSION
An Afternoon On The Moon - tx 20/07/94, 1610-1700, 1710, 1735
To celebrate the 25th anniversary of the first moon landings Children's BBC presented this special live studio show presented by Zoe Ball and, making what might have been his sole CBBC appearance, Gareth Jones. Directed by future Blue Peter editor Richard Marson, the programme featured guest appearance from many famous faces of children's TV at that time with a particular focus on those with a sci-fi theme...and you can probably guess where this is going.
Brian the Dinosaur appeared in a pre-recorded segment alongside the likes of Anthea Turner and Shane Richie, recalling how he was still in an egg at the time of the moon landings.
Today's guests include EYC, who will be performing their new song, and Shane Ritchie - formerly of Live and Kicking and now appearing in the hit movie Grease. Plus cartoon fun with Tom and Jerry and The Flintstones and a great new Flintstones Cinemasaurus competition. Looking after visitors to Earthbase is Lucinda Cowden, while Zarbian spacebase inhabitants are Mercator (Richard Waites), Flynn (Kate Lonergan) and Dr Kovan (Karl Collins), plus Brian the dinosaur.
Director Bob Collins
Producer Maddy Darrall
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
Letters: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv. PO Box 9000 London W12 8ZZ
Here's one of the other major changes made following Maddy Darrall's arrival. Seen here in its second week, a new interactive phone-in game called Feed The Monster replaced P9 Pinball. Set in the small rocky planet set outside the reseach centre, it used the same touch-tone technology as the pinball game to allow viewers to control a small tank to navigate through a maze before shooting a number of targets and, finally, feeding the monster. The number of targets hit dictated what prize was won - with the consolation prize being a "bottle of belch" from Greenie.
The game was actually pretty impressive and not at all easy to play or win, and made innovative use of the "exterior" set. Paul Hendy particulated to the planet twice during each show to present the game alongside Richard Waites as Mercator and this partnership worked suprisingly well, perhaps due to allowing viewers to see another side to Mercator's character. The above clip hails from the second week of the feature and is courtesy of E Sheridan, who created the game working at Broadsystem.
Show 15 - tx 30/07/94, 0900-1055
This week's programme includes visits from basketball star Alton Byrd and David Dickson, Nathan from Home and Away, who will be singing live. Plus a film of Damon Hill for motor racing fans and the new interactive game Feed the Monster which can be played at home.
Director Bob Collins
Producer Maddy Darrall
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, P0 Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ.
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, P0 Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ.
Here is Home & Away's David Dixon (misspelt "Dickson" in the Radio Times billing) performing in the hold on show 15.
Show 16 - tx 06/08/94, 0900-1052
Today's programme features Sean Maguire, Tristan Banks (Tug in Home and Away), and Zoe Ball. Plus games including Feed the Monster and Noodle in the Haystack, and cartoon fun with Tom and Jerry and The Flintstones. Looking after visitors to Earthbase is Lucinda Cowden, while Zarbian spacebase inhabitants are Mercator (Richard Waites), Flynn (Kate Lonergan) and Dr Kovan (Karl Collins), plus Brian the dinosaur.
Director Bob Collins
Producer Maddy Darrall
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv, PO Box 9000 London W12 8ZZ
The first billing for Noodle in a Haystack, another new phone-in game. As the name suggests a number of coloured noodles would be placed in a haystack next to the caravan and on the end of each would be a clue building towards the identity of a mystery celebrity. Each caller would choose a noodle and the first to guess correctly would win the prizes on offer. Basically, if you were on line 1 you were stuffed.
Show 17 - tx 13/08/94, 0900-1055
Today's programme shows how the Notting Hill Carnival costumes are made. Plus games including Feed the Monster and Noodle in a Haystack, and cartoon fun with The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry. With celebrity guests.
Director Bob Collins
Producer Maddy Darrall
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv. PO Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ.
"With celebrity guests" is perhaps my favourite "will this do?" Radio Times billing so far. There was however an attempt during the summer to net perhaps Parallel 9's biggest guest star of all. Laurence Harvey picks up the story.
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv. PO Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ.
"With celebrity guests" is perhaps my favourite "will this do?" Radio Times billing so far. There was however an attempt during the summer to net perhaps Parallel 9's biggest guest star of all. Laurence Harvey picks up the story.
"She wanted me to go talk to Mr Grant to ask if he had time in his schedule to film a short segment. I thought the idea was probably an unwanted imposition, besides I thought the proposal should come from someone that had some say over the scheduling of the show. Jill said she would put the proposal to him, but that I should be there to introduce her. So, towards the end of the shoot day, as the cast headed back to their dressing rooms, I knocked on his door and apologised for disturbing him and introduced Jill as the Executive Producer of our show. Instead of the concise, to the point business proposal, she seemed to go weak at the knees and started gushing about taking her tweenage nieces to see Four Weddings. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. When she finally, breathlessly, talked about coming on the show as a guest, Mr Grant declined in a friendly, but firm manner, citing the film’s shoot schedule."
Show 18 - tx 21/08/94, 0910-1105 (Sunday BBC2)
In today's edition: games including Feed the Monster and Noodle in a Haystack, and cartoon fun with The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry. With celebrity guests.
In today's edition: games including Feed the Monster and Noodle in a Haystack, and cartoon fun with The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry. With celebrity guests.
Director Bob Collins
Producer Maddy Darrall
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
Producer Maddy Darrall
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv. PO Box 9000. London W12 8ZZ.
Show 19 - tx 28/08/94, 0910-1105 (Sunday BBC2)
In today's edition: games including Feed the Monster and Noodle in a Haystack, and cartoon fun with The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry. With special guests top band Eternal playing live.
Director Bob Collins
Producer Maddy Darrall
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv. PO Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ.
Producer Maddy Darrall
A Roach and Partners production for BBCtv
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase, BBCtv. PO Box 9000, London W12 8ZZ.
Parallel 9 never entered the national consciousness but the Little Green Man character is probably as close as it got, with the character often recalled by those who remember little else about the programme. By this point Greenie was a runaway hit, and whilst it was now clear Parallel 9 itself wouldn't return there was hope the new character would, as Laurence Harvey recalls.
"I remember being called into Jill [Roach]’s office for a meeting during which I was bombarded with ideas - a spin off series (Greenie & Mercator); a childrens’ show about performance art or contemporary art (I got the impression that because I was doing stuff in the art world, I could present an Art Attack style show); Little Green Man action figures; a LGM single “Will You Be My Friend?” (which we recorded but it never went to press), etc. It was head spinning. Thankfully Peter Cocks advised me not to count on anything until it actually happened. I’m sure David [Claridge] was given a similar set of proposed ideas when Brian the Dinosaur took off in the second series."
The Two Marks made a return appearance to this edition, which may have meant the Tope was even quieter than was usual for this series. Over on ITV, 24 hours earlier had seen the final transmission of Gimme 5, Parallel 9's main competition since launch.
Show 20 - tx 03/09/94, 0900-1025
Guests on today's show include top band D:Ream who play live, Chris Packham from The Really Wild Show and Toby Anstis. Plus the chance to play Feed the Monster and Noodle in a Haystack, and cartoon fun with The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry.
Director Bob Collins
Producer Maddy Darrall
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase. BBCtv. PO Box 9000. London W12 8ZZ.
Back to Saturdays and the annual really short show for More Bloody Cricket, and also the annual occasion for ITV to take advantage and launch their autumn Saturday morning show in the form of What's Up Doc, now relocated to Glasgow for its final series and by all accounts a shadow of its former self because... (no, someone else can write that one up).
Show 21 - tx 10/09/94, 0900-1100
This week, rap duo PJ and Duncan from Byker Grove play their hit single live, and Bad Boys Inc find out who has won the competition to cook for them on the show. Guests include former Blue Peter presenter Mark Curry, who is about to join Record Breakers, and Hunter from Gladiators. Plus the Calypso Twins create more culinary delights.
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase. BBCtv. PO Box 9000. London W12 8ZZ.
This week, rap duo PJ and Duncan from Byker Grove play their hit single live, and Bad Boys Inc find out who has won the competition to cook for them on the show. Guests include former Blue Peter presenter Mark Curry, who is about to join Record Breakers, and Hunter from Gladiators. Plus the Calypso Twins create more culinary delights.
LETTERS: write to the aliens at P9 Earthbase. BBCtv. PO Box 9000. London W12 8ZZ.
"Rap duo"...
A confession: I didn't watch this series religiously, so I was surprised when scouring my VHS tapes to find a lengthy clip from this penultimate show. Of course, Sod's Law would dictate it to overlap with some other random footage on YouTube, so you can start with the first clip and switch to my new superior quality upload at the end of the Troacadero sequence.
In this show, Lucinda and Paul call the winner of yet another Take That competition, before some scripted action on the planet. The plot appears to be Brian being left in charge which turns out to be much harder work than he thought it would be. It seems such an obvious storyline it's quite a surprise it took nearly two years to get to. One other change seen here presumably made earlier in the summer is the replacement of the moody etheral version of the theme during the planet stings by the regular upbeat arrangement. There's also yet another phone-in game with Spot The Shows mashing together two title sequences for viewers to identify.
If it's 1994 then Bad Boys Inc can't be far away, and here they are performing on the planet. Then Mark Curry is in the caravan chatting to Lucinda about his new role as a roving reporter on Record Breakers, which was his first presenting role on Children's BBC since his departure from Blue Peter four years earlier - though he can't resist pointing out that he's really an actor, you know. The death of Roy Castle just over a week earlier is also touched upon more briefly than you might perhaps expect.
Then much to Lucinda's surprise it's up to Parallel 9 to Feed The Monster, apparently following some technical issues earlier on which sadly neither clip captures. There's also no sign of Mercator which is no doubt linked to the storyline which has left Brian in charge. But get your stopwatch out as presumably due to the game being dropped back into the running order Paul Hendy is given just over a minute to run from Stage J to the caravan, leading to the breathless ad-lib "wears me out, all that particulation!". Also in this random sequence is the video for "Love Can Build A Bridge" by Children for Rwanda, which would reach number 57. The song would be covered somewhat more successfully for another charity 6 months later...
Show 22 - tx 17/09/94, 0900-1105
Show 22 - tx 17/09/94, 0900-1105
Whilst the listing refer to the "last programme of the series" Andi (or whoever ghost-wrote his children's column) isn't mucking about and confirms the show is ending, even starting with the curious turn of phrase "Well it had to happen". Peter Cocks: "The end is a blur! I have the feeling that everyone felt they had exhausted the possibilities of the high concept format and without knowing what the viewing figures were, I’d assume that they didn't justify recommission. In addition to this, I assume Roach and Partners had a 3 year deal to prove the format."
For old time's sake I scraped together enough pocket money to buy an E180, and you can see the result above in full for the first time. Ironically the last show was also the longest ever edition of the programme, clocking in at 5 minutes more than the nominal 2 hour slot it had rarely filled in full.
Chris Jarvis introduces the final show from Studio A, the brand new home of Children's BBC after the closure of the broom cupboard a few weeks earlier, even if they were still going to great efforts to make the part he is sat in look exactly the same it used to do.
The show starts with Lucinda and Paul packing up at the Earthbase caravan which by this point very much the centre of gravity of the programme. The planet segments then kick off with the crew assembling for their final briefing and preparing to return home.
There's precious little storyline beyond that in the final show though a recurring theme is the Little Green Man not knowing what would happen to him once everyone had departured. There's one early scripted scene though that not so much smashes the fourth wall as drives the Feed The Monster tank straight through it:
Flynn: What about you then?
Kovan: What about me what?
Flynn: You know, what are you gonna do when all this is over?
Kovan: Oh I don't know, I was thinking I might do a bit of panto, you know.
Flynn: No...Dr Kovan...what are you going to do?
(both look at camera)
Kovan: Oh right yes, well...
Letting the mask slip so completely as to acknowledge they are actors on a TV programme is million light years away from the intensive character workshops that launched the first series, but perhaps a fitting way to end given the well-documented difficulties encountered along the way with this format.
Guests mostly comprise of people who had appeared already this series. Bad Boys Inc in particular don't look desperate at all by turning up two weeks running ("you've been particulated more times than anyone else on this series"). They're still promoting their final single and "well done on coming into the charts" is how Lucinda tiptoes around their no. 26 position.
"We were all a bit younger then" - Dr Kovan checks in for departure
Let Loose are back too, who unlike Bad Boys Inc have just had a massive hit with Crazy For You. During their chat in the caravan it's mentioned they had to provide live vocals on Top of the Pops, so clearly Ric Blaxhill took quite a while to remove that particular policy. They also provided the very last "live" (ahem) peformance up on the planet with their new single Seventeen (play Crazy For You!).
Greenie and Derek say goodbye
Darren "here's a man who's always up for a party" Day is given a very flirty interview by Flynn up on Parallel 9, which in an odd bit of continuity is conducted directly in front of the set the previous pre-recorded scene took place in. It's from a very precise moment in time - that five minutes in between him starting to become well known as a performer and then becoming ubiquitous for his "extra-curricular" activites instead. Twice in the show he's prompted to do impersonations, proving he can't do Phillip Schofield but doesn't do a bad Paul Hendy. At this point the Children's Royal Variety Performance has convinced him of his fame by virtue of being on the same bill as Noel Edmonds. He also has a single out: a poppers o'clock cover of "Young Girl" back in the days before we all started to pay attention to the lyrics.
50 shades of beige at the Earthbase party
Stuart Miles appears at the end of his first week presenting Blue Peter during which it is mentioned rather po-facedly that the phrase "here's one we made earlier" is not something they are saying on the show at this point. This appears to have been an attempt to make the show cooler in the 90s and I'm happy to report that it is used again with gusto whenever there's a make on the show in 2024. Take That also conclude their three years avoiding appearing in person on the show by sending another VT, this time featuring competition winners backstage at a concert in Cardiff.
Andi Peters and Emma Forbes appear to promote the return of Live and Kicking (just don't mention Barrowman). It's announced they will be preceded by repeats of The New Adventures of Superman which everyone is very excited about, particularly Andi who seems to carry around a photo of him and Dean Cain. L&K also sports a new start time of 9.15am, which made little sense to me at the time but is now obviously an ITV 9.25 spoiler. Andi also manages to bring drugs slang to Parallel 9 by responding to one query with "got any salmon? sorted".
The umpteen phone-in competitions are all present and correct. The final Noodle in a Haystack is set up to be something of a fix with the secret celebrity none other than Lucinda Cowden but ends rather embarrassingly with the caller not knowing her name, with Paul Hendy ad-libbing "It's been a long time since she she was on Neighbours hasn't it".
The final obligatory Slighty Factual Sporting Feature showcases some circus skills both outside of the caravan and on the planet, allowing for one final glimpse of the Starbridge from series 1. At one point in a seemingly unplanned moment Kate Lonergan as Flynn performs that "backwards crab" position girls used to do on the sports field at school, to which Richard Waites as Mercator provides the risque ad lib "you kept that very quiet for six months - that'll get you into a couple of free concerts"!
The last Little Green Man and his Little Green Friends slot features a cameo from Andi Peters, with Mercator accusing our green friend of "stuffing a children's favourite in your luggage". He's after tips to be a presenter, which is something to keep in mind a week later. A brief mention is also made in the caravan of the Little Green Man Toy Appeal for the National Playbus Association (of "rename your preschool programme" fame), as recalled by Laurence Harvey. "Executive producer Jill Roach was the boss, and she was a mix of strict and somewhat barmy headteacher, with an enthusiastic “jolly hockey sticks” gusto. She’d have these great enthusiastic ideas, which you’d have little time to implement, and would be discarded a week or two later – Greenie’s Toy Appeal, being an example." Despite this the appeal apparently collected 8000 toys. Watch out Blue Peter!
Events on the planet have felt a bit of a detatched during this final show, and barring Paul's trips to Feed the Monster there's no interaction whatsoever between the Earthbase and Parallel 9. This is particularly noticeable during the departing particulation of the crew members which all happens rather quickly whilst being completely ignored by those partying outside the caravan.
There's quite a siginicant error in the roll-back-and-mix effect when Kovan and Flynn depart, with an unidentified crew member appearing on the left of screen. But after 22 weeks of being horrible to Greenie there's a glimmer of redemption in Mercator's departure.
He unsuccessfully tries to sneak off early so as not to hurt Greenie's feelings, but becomes emotional as he says goodbye and tries to put a positive spin on his upcoming solitude. It is at this point The Tope speaks his final lines confirming Mercator's new posting as commander of Parallel 5. With a knowing grin, Greenie walks away as the penny drops and Mercator realises as he particulates away that Parallel 5 is in fact a sewage plant. (I would love this to be a subtle reference to Gimme 5, Parallel 9's competition for most of its time on air...)
Greenie stands alone in the darkened research centre contemplating a life rattling around Parallel 9 on his own. Then a Little Green Woman (Nikki McInnes) appears, and wants to be what the LGM has always desired: his friend. With a cheeky grin, his story is complete.
In what was planned to be the final link outside the caravan Paul thanks the guests and crew from the three years of Parallel 9, and given the continually evolving programme has rarely mentioned anything from more than a few weeks prior it is quite something to have the entire run acknowledged. Lucinda pulls the floor manager into shot to prove the point and they then cue Darren Day to sing "We Go Together", before linking into the video for Michelle Gayle's Sweetness. Running the credits over a video had been the "format" since the middle of series 2 but it's an odd call to continue this instead of showing the live performance they'd just introduced.
It's also a decision that means the run ends with an almightly cockup as the video had clearly been timed too long, so after sitting on a freeze frame we return to the caravan ("You're back again!"). Thankfully everyone hasn't buggered off to the bar and a few extra seconds can be filled with Andi Peters mucking about with the prompt card.
Some dignity is restored by a poignant final scene up on the planet, depicted in the style of a pre-war romantic movie and soundtracked by "Prelude Romantique" by Roger Roger (thank you, YouTube Content ID). Paperwork lists "P9 Title Music" instead of this track, and the theme would indeed normally accompany the closing post-credits sketch. This suggests Prelude Romantique was a) a late addition and b) my YouTube upload is potentially the first time Mr Roger's estate has received anything as a result of its use.
The Little Green Man is shown switching the lights off in the research centre for the final time and closing the airlock, before taking his new partner by the hand, speaking the final words of the entire programme ("shall we?") and walking off into the Parallel 9 sunset. And, after three years and 64 programmes, this was The End.
Even if the programme had been recommissioned Richard Waites believes he would not have returned. "I suspect I wouldn’t have been involved in another series. The people I liked very much (Vanessa Hill and Claire Winyard) left before the end of Series 3, so the chemistry changed. I have a feeling the last show in the series had an air of finality about it, so if it had come back, it would have been with yet another cast change." Peter Cocks: "While it was an enjoyable job with a great team, some great friendships and moments there was an undercurrent that Series 3 was a bit of a poison chalice - a format too broken to fix."
Series 3 was a curious beast. It was undoubtedly the most consistent run of the programme, with great talent both sides of the camera and each episode packed with features, sketches, competitions and music. This though illustrated the wider issue with the format of the programme. Whilst this no doubt provided greater mass appeal it arguably lost part of the charm and uniqueness of the first two series, primarily because the focus seemed to be trained more and more on the Earthbase caravan, presenters and indeed the viewers, with the programme falling over itself to put callers on air by the end. This is likely to have been entirely intentional: if the planet format had been marmite with the wider audience then the obvious thing to do was retool the show to be more and more a standard Saturday morning effort, albeit one from rather clausterophobic confines.
One fan though was Richard Norton, who'd been the launch presenter of the previous series and as previously documented ended up being sacrified as the programme's format was reworked mid-series. "I think they found their feet towards the end with that alien everyone remembers - what’s he called? The Little Green Man! It’s like they found a format they decided to stick with." His sucessor Lucinda Cowden summed up her time presenting on the show for me. "I do have lots of great memories of the show. Lots of amazing animals, pop stars and actors who mostly entered into the crazy alien stuff with good grace! I don’t think I have much physical memorabilia, but I have great memories of Brian the Dinosaur and the Little Green Man that will stay with me forever".
And Finally
There was one last gasp for Parallel 9 a week later when, on top of the credits of The New Adventures of Superman, the Little Green Man appeared. He announced his new programme The Really Green Show before being abruptly informed by Andi and Emma that it was in fact time for the new series of Live and Kicking. The sketch ended with Andi smacking Greenie in the face with his script saying "stupid, so why are you here?". Following the titles Andi rather uncharitably said "no more cheap imitations, this is the real thing".
"When people said you should go far on Parallel 9 they actually meant really far away"
Laurence Harvey recalls this cameo. "I had done a couple of brief guest appearances on The Broom Cupboard to promote the Saturday show and the toy appeal, so it wasn’t a surprise to be invited on to Live and Kicking, but I was pleasantly surprised to find out Andi Peters was a big fan of the character. It was odd, in that we knew that Parallel 9 wouldn’t be returning, but there were still rumblings of a spin-off, so it wasn’t a final hurrah, just a nice guest appearance on a sister show."
Afterword
Peter Cocks jokes that Parallel 9 has been "erased from the CVs of most of cast and crew, some of whom went on to great things". The final three producers had a notable subsequent impact on the children's TV industry. Vanessa Hill set up The Foundation with Ged Allen in 1994. Maddy Darrall and Billy Maqueen founded Darrall Macqueen in 2000. Writer Peter Cocks and Mark Billingham collaborated again on a number of other children's TV series and books, with Cocks returning to Saturday mornings for WOW and Ministry of Mayhem and Billingham becoming a renowned crime author. Kate Lonergan and Richard Waites both eventually left acting, with Lonergan founding a gardening company and Waites now a Senior Librarian. Mark Heap became one of the most recognisable comedy performers of his generation. David and Lesley Claridge revived their Roland Rat franchise for Channel 5 and Paul Hendy continued to be a familiar face on TV throughout the 90s. Lucinda Cowden meanwhile recently returned to a high profile role in Neighbours, playing a major part in recent storylines.
Laurence Harvey is now a notable actor in horror films, particularly the Human Centipede series, and sees Parallel 9 as a part of his development. "I didn’t really consider myself an actor at that point, I was just some art school performer Pete and Vanessa had brought in to play a silly character so I learned a lot doing the series, and although I haven’t rewatched it since, I’m sure it was evident that I was learning on the job. A lot of that growth/development was due to the support and help of those around me, especially Richard Waites who really took me under his wing. I had no pretentions about my role, I was just lucky enough to have a character that resonated with the audience. I was in awe of the success of those around me, and was excited for Karl when he worked on Shane Meadows’ TwentyFourSeven." Karl Collins has also appeared in recurring roles in The Bill, Hollyoaks and Doctor Who.
The Mysti Show, 2004
The BBC summer Saturday slot was brought back in house from 1995. Independents did eventually get another crack though and it's worth mentioning The Mysti Show, credited to Mystical Productions, which aired as part of the Saturday morning lineup in summer 2004. This combined magazine and fantasy plotlines in a 360 degree multi-level set, with actors delivering scenes as their characters and taking part in unscripted editorial features. Sounds familiar? Unlike Parallel 9 it was only an hour long and pre-recorded, and significantly reformatted for its second series to move to a purely drama-based production.
At Pinewood, Stage J is now named "tv-two". Extensive development in recent years saw the wasteland where the Earthbase carvavan sat developed first into a car park and more recently into further sound stages. Saturday mornings eventually returned to Pinewood in 2008 for Ed and Oucho's Transmission Impossible.
So where did Roach and Partners go next? Their 1994/5 annual report stated "the company had a sucessful year. The forthcoming year is likely to be more difficult as the company does not yet have a major commission although a number of opportunities are currently being persued". These were likely the Little Green Man spin-offs mentioned earlier, though subsequent annual reports suggest a further comission never arrived. By 2003 the principal activities were described simply as consultancy and procurement. By 2007 R&P had begun to diversify away from television, with that year's report stating "the company also commenced trading as a building contractor in the domestic housing sector specialising in property refurbishments and providing design and build services", and the website from this incarnation of the company survives online at the time of writing. On 29th March 2018, a resolution was passed to voluntarily wind the company up. The formal dissolution date of the company was recorded as recently as 24th August 2021.
And that's the full story of the show no one knew anything about. This project, which led to me meeting the original cast and to an extent doing the programme justice has been incredibly rewarding. Whilst the initial "high concept" clearly had limited mass appeal the vision behind Parallel 9 inspired me like nothing I'd seen before, and I was lucky to be a viewer during the brief period in the 90s when budgets caught up with ideas, when there was a desire to take risks and experiment, and when there was still a mass audience to view it all.
Parallel 9 was far from a success. Indeed it seems it only survived as long as it did due the generous contract awarded to Roach and Partners. It aired during a period when children's TV was going through massive changes and becoming more competitive, meaning the initial semi-educational format quickly became a turnoff (though it should be remembered even What's Up Doc had serious bits). P9 ricocheted between different formats - sometimes within the same series - and changed personnel both on and off screen to try and make things work. The only name on the credits of both the first and last episodes is creator Jill Roach herself, whose "original idea" was somewhat diluted by that point.
Despite its reputation I've found whilst writing these pieces that there were a significant number of people it did resonate with, and like me were entertained and intrigued by the ideas and characters on screen. One of those viewers was Jamie Wilson, who is now rather closer to the Saturday morning action!
What a treat it’s been to have the opportunity to reappraise Parallel 9. Jonathan's amazingly detailed blog posts brilliantly shine a light on the ups and downs of putting together such an ambitious programme. Was Parallel 9 successful? Well, I guess, now each of us can decide! But it's been fascinating to learn about the inner-workings, tweaks and changes involved in producing this series and, from where I’m sitting, the dedication and hard work poured into it from cast and crew is evident.
Over 30 years on from being a viewer at home I’m the Series Producer of the current iteration of BBC Saturday morning kids TV, Saturday Mash-Up! There’s no pink dinosaur or little green men, but there’s still plenty of similarities. These articles are a reminder of the special place that Saturday mornings hold for millions of viewers over many decades - whether ‘your’ programme was Swap Shop, Live & Kicking, Parallel 9 or something else.
At its best I think Saturday morning kids TV feels like a club that you’ve got to be part of - an unpredictable, live, adventure every weekend. Things might go off the rails at times, but that only adds to the appeal! What happy memories Saturday mornings have given us all. If only time ran backwards and we could do it all again.. now there’s an idea for a show!
Over 30 years on from being a viewer at home I’m the Series Producer of the current iteration of BBC Saturday morning kids TV, Saturday Mash-Up! There’s no pink dinosaur or little green men, but there’s still plenty of similarities. These articles are a reminder of the special place that Saturday mornings hold for millions of viewers over many decades - whether ‘your’ programme was Swap Shop, Live & Kicking, Parallel 9 or something else.
At its best I think Saturday morning kids TV feels like a club that you’ve got to be part of - an unpredictable, live, adventure every weekend. Things might go off the rails at times, but that only adds to the appeal! What happy memories Saturday mornings have given us all. If only time ran backwards and we could do it all again.. now there’s an idea for a show!
Thank you to Lucinda Cowden, Richard Waites, Laurence R Harvey, Peter Cocks and Richard Norton for kindly sharing their memories of working on Parallel 9, and thanks are also due to Jamie Wilson for his kind words. Thanks to the person who made so much of the detail in these pieces possible (you know who you are), and to Robin Blamires for the original inspiration for this project.
Credits are also due to YouTube users theukarchivist, Appropriated Subdiffusion, Put The Telly On, VHS Video Vault, Tom Kennard, BeckyB1976, E Sheridan, E.Y.C [The Band], Mr Stanflow, ADC TV Collection, ChrisVHS1989, whyayetv, J Harper, Kimberley Charles and GMTV Gold for use of their clips.
